The Gift of Infertility

Today’s guest post is from Sarah Ivy and Juli Westcott, DC. Sarah and Juli are Barren Besties turned founders of the non-profit, Braving Infertility Together. Thanks, Sarah and Juli, for sharing your story. 

“Thank you all for coming to dinner tonight. It was great getting to meet you. If any of you would like someone to pray with you before you leave, I’d be happy to do that.”

“Hi, my name is Juli. I could really use some prayers. I just found out that my IVF transfer worked and I am pregnant, but I’m so scared something will happen.”

“Hi, Juli, I’m Sarah. Let’s pray right now.”

And so it began. Two women from two different sides of the infertility spectrum, both desperately wanting to become mothers, and wanting to feel like they were not alone in this journey. So, how did things go from acquaintances at a dinner to a true, deep friendship?

Sarah:
A little while after Juli became pregnant with her daughter, my husband and I had the opportunity to do an IVF transfer with a pair of adopted embryos. We were thrilled to find out that we were also pregnant! But unfortunately, when we went in for our sonogram at week nine, there was no heartbeat.

Juli:
At that time,  I was 12 or 13 weeks pregnant, and heartbroken for my friend. I debated on what to do, because I figured the last thing you want to see when you have just lost your baby is a pregnant lady, but I knew I needed to see her. I put on a loose sundress, bought a beautiful orchid plant, and drove down to her house.

Sarah:
This was the turning point in our relationship. Her bravery in that moment, in being afraid to come but doing it anyway, and my vulnerability in loss sparked a deep, authentic friendship that has only continued to grow.

Sarah’s loss was the summer of 2015, and Juli’s daughter, Cady Joy, was born in December. A few weeks after her birth, we decided to get our husbands together for dinner at the same restaurant where we met back in April. When our husbands met, we realized how similar they are – both came from a construction background, and both were fiercely protective husbands that had longed to be fathers. There was an instant connection, and that night brought us all closer together.

Juli and Sarah with their families at their book release party

Juli:
A few short weeks after our first family dinner, I remember sitting on the couch one night breastfeeding Cady, and all of a sudden my phone rang — it was Sarah. Now if you know Sarah, she is much more more likely to message or text than call, so I thought it was a bit strange and answered.

Sarah:
I asked, “Hey, does Cady need a friend?”

Juli:
I thought it was a strange question so, I said, “Sure… you can be her friend?” Not having any idea what she was trying to say.

Sarah and her husband had miraculously become pregnant naturally! We were both beyond ecstatic for this new little life, and secretly hoped that maybe it could be a girl so that our daughters could be friends. By the grace of God, we found out a few weeks later that it WAS going to be a girl!

Juli:
One of my favorite pictures we have together is a candid photo of us at Sarah’s Gender Reveal party. We are sitting next to each other smiling, and I am holding Cady who has her hand on Sarah’s tummy and the biggest smile on her face! It was just a sign of the sweet relationship these two girls would soon share.

Left to right, Sarah, Cady, and Juli at Sarah’s gender reveal party

In June of 2016, we had an amazing opportunity to go to a writing conference and do something we had both always dreamed of doing — become published authors. Our plan was to write books to share the stories of our journeys to our daughters, but God had a different plan. By the end of the conference, not only did we know that we were supposed to write a book about our support group (which had continued to meet and grow since that first dinner), but we also felt very strongly that we needed to make the group “official” and file our paperwork to become a non-profit organization, Braving Infertility Together.

Where are we today? Our group has grown from 15 women who met for dinner to over 450 women and their families in the DFW area, as well as over 100 women worldwide in our online support groups. For us personally…

Sarah:
We are at a point where we are no longer seeking medical intervention to grow our family. We are praying and trusting that if God wants us to have more children, we will, and if not, we will treasure the precious gift he has already given us in Charlotte.

Juli:
For us, it has been an emotional road the past year. After much discussion, we decided to do another IVF transfer back in August of 2017, and were so excited to find that we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, a few short weeks later, we discovered that the pregnancy was ectopic, and we lost our sweet baby in an emergency surgery to remove the tube where it had implanted. It took me several months and countless tears and prayers to have the courage to go through another transfer, but in February of this year (with my mom, Sarah, and Ray sitting in the waiting room), we did. By the grace of God, we are expecting our sweet little miracle in October of this year.

Through our friendship and growing non-profit, we have really had the opportunity to live life together. We have brought people into our homes, encouraged people to love each other, and walked with others through some incredibly dark moments, while at the same time loving and encouraging each other.

Sarah:
Juli is the most beautiful friend inside and out. If I had to pick three things about her that I would want the world to know, I would have to start with her hugs. That may sound silly, but I swear her arms wrapped around me and her chin on my head (she is nearly a foot taller than me) give me strength and security, and remind me that I have a BRAVE sister with me in all of this. The look on her face when we asked them to be Charlotte’s Godparents was only rivaled by the look on her face when she held her for the first time. Her genuine love for my daughter is so special. She prays for, loves on, and watches after CC as if she were her own. Lastly, her love for the Lord and her constant encouragement for my relationship with God and reminders of His truths are the greatest gift.

Juli and Sarah at Sarah’s 80s themed, rollerskating 35th birthday party.

Juli:
It’s hard to pick only three things I love about Sarah! She is so creative — she can make something beautiful out of literally anything, and it’s effortless. She is also an incredible communicator. I have so much pride and joy getting to watch her do what she was born to do. She speaks and teaches with such grace and eloquence. I have never seen someone so comfortable in front of an audience! Most of all, I absolutely love her heart. Sarah is one of the most genuinely caring and compassionate people I have ever met. She cares deeply, ferociously, and completely for those she brings into her life, and will stop at nothing to help anyone she has the power to help. She is an incredible example to me and so many others.

How has sharing the journey of infertility changed our lives? In our deepest darkest moments, we always know that we are the only ones who truly get how the other feels. We have a relationship built on incredible trust and honesty, and we have supported each other through so many of life’s challenges, in infertility and beyond.

There have been a few times where we have discussed whether experiencing infertility has been a burden or a blessing, and without hesitation, we both agree that given the option of not going through it but having to give away everything we have gained, we would choose it again without hesitation. The life-long friendship we have developed because of this journey is truly a gift. As we look towards the future of not only our families, but our organization, living without each other is not an option.

We are BRAVE because of each other, and can now help others be BRAVE in their journeys. THIS is the truest gift of infertility.

For more information about Braving Infertility Together, visit www.bravingit.org or, find them on Facebook or Instagram @Braving Infertility Together.

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