As we celebrate #MensHealthMonth, we share a story from Crystal who describes the day her family’s life changed forever. Her fiance, Tyler, was injured while serving with the US Army’s 173rd Airborne Brigade. She shares their inspiring story on how they have fought not just for better Veteran’s care but have fought for their own family.
We salute Tyler and Crystal who remind us that infertility does not discriminate. It can impact anyone – men, women, veteran or civilian.
May 3, 2005 was a day that changed our lives forever. Tyler was serving with the US Army’s 173rd Airborne Brigade when his Company was called into the Arghandab River Valley to rescue their Battalion Scouts. After arriving in the valley, the Company’s Weapons Squad, where Tyler was serving as an Assistant Gunner, headed to a high point to provide support by fire. While on the hillside Tyler’s squad came under fire and within minutes Tyler was shot four times. The first bullet lodged in his spinal canal, which left him instantly paralyzed from the waist down and unable to move out of the line of fire. Tyler’s Squad Leader, SSG Matt Blaskowski and SPC Clover recognized the danger Tyler was in and despite continuous fire ran to Tyler’s aid to pull him to safety. Tyler was already paralyzed, but the second bullet was what threatened his life as it ripped through his left lung and lodged in his liver. Tyler was left fighting for his life, and without the intervention of others and a will to live he would not have survived.
Little did either of us know May 3, 2005 would set our paths to cross and ultimately lead to another big fight. Tyler and I met in 2013 when he decided it was time to move past his paralysis and return to the things he loved, sports and outdoor recreation. This is where I came in; I worked in adaptive sports for Veterans and together Tyler and I were able to rekindle his love for all that Colorado has to offer and ultimately fall in love with each other!
Shortly after Tyler and I started dating we began discussing a family and how that would be possible with his injury. This is where the biggest fight we have ever faced together began. Due to Tyler’s paralysis we quickly discovered that IVF was our only option to have a biological child of our own. Soon after, we discovered that due to a 1992 “ban” Congress put on the VA there was no coverage for this medical procedure. We were heart broken, devastated, disappointed, the list goes on, after discovering that Tyler’s wounds received in combat would present a $40,000 barrier to us fulfilling our dream of having a baby of our own and Tyler’s last step to fully reintegrating into civilian society.
Neither Tyler nor I were ready or willing to give up on this dream. He fought with everything he was to survive after May 3rd, despite all odds we found each other, were building a life together, and as a stronger team we would fight for this together. There have been so many “bad” days where anger and disappointment feel as they are taking us over in the journey to have a family, and at times complete disgust that our country, a country that you can’t walk down the street without seeing a yellow ribbon, “God Bless our Troops” sticker, or hearing “thank you for your service,” could let this man down so completely. To cope with the spinal cord injury is difficult enough, to fight for your life is enough to ask of Tyler and every other Service Member in his situation, to ask them to give up on the opportunity to pursue a family simply because politics gets in the way is absolutely unacceptable.
I have seen this man struggle through enough already; to get through life as a paraplegic is not an easy task, but he has NEVER ONCE complained about anything or regretted his service to our country until this. To ask him to give up on something he has wanted his whole life, to be called “Dad” simply because he answered the call to Duty, served honorably, and happened to be wounded in a way that prevents him from being able to pursue this dream without medical intervention is this country, this Congress, truly turning their backs on those men and women who have given so much of themselves already.
These reasons are why Tyler and I have chosen to not only find any way possible to pursue this medical treatment on our own, but to also stand against this gap in coverage and fight to both bring awareness to the issue and change policy to ensure this never happens again. The bad days are no longer consumed with anger and no where to place it, disgust and no way to overcome it, but instead we have taken this opportunity to advocate on behalf of Tyler and every other Veteran in his seat, to stand in front of Congress and give them a face to remember when they vote on the proposed legislation that would reverse this “ban.” It has become our mission to ensure Congress no longer vote on statistics related to this issue, but instead vote on faces, on families, on those men and women who they sent to war with a promise to provide health care to those who came back wounded, ill, or injured.
Tyler has done an amazing job at living life from a wheelchair, we have built an amazing life together full of support and a promising future, but this wheelchair, this bullet in his back, that should not be an excuse for Congress to deny him or anyone else in his position what Congress cherishes most themselves. When we were in DC at Advocacy Day 2016, there was a majority of Congressmen and Congresswomen that had family pictures strewn throughout their offices. This became our platform and will continue to be our motivation for change. We have a wall full of medals Tyler earned in combat, we have a wall full of pictures with us and our dogs, but what we are missing is what Congress already has, what war did not take away from them, we are missing Baby Wilson’s birthday.
If you would like to follow-along with our journey to Baby Wilson, IVF Advocacy for Veterans, please see our blog at http://www.pushmeeveryday.com