I went to Capitol Hill (for Advocacy Day) and all I got was this lousy best friend

#BarrenBesties, Brooke and Kathy, share stories of their friendship in today’s blog post. Thank you Brooke and Kathy!

Kathy, left, and Brooke, right

B: Kathy and I met on the message boards of thebump.com. We really started chatting when she was undergoing radiation therapy for her thyroid cancer. We have similar diagnoses in our marriages (minus her cancer), so we bonded really easily. She’s also freaking hilarious.

K: One of my first memories of my friendship with Brooke was flipping through a catalog (like the old school paper kind) and seeing this print of a quote- it was colorful and bright and immediately made me think of her. “In the midst of winter, I found, within me, an invincible summer.”- Albert Camus. I ordered it and awkwardly packaged it up and shipped it off to Arizona because she neeeeeeded it. I remember my husband saying you’re sending this to someone you met on the internet?? Yes. Yes I am.

B: One of our funniest moments was Kathy’s birthday gift being spoiled. At our second Advocacy Day, RESOLVE invited us to be Ambassadors and it included a full day training. Because we’re hilarious, we started calling each other Ambaaaaaaaassador in fancy British voices and it evolved into Badassador. And so for her birthday, I ordered her a custom necklace with our made up word on it. The Etsy seller posted a photo of it on social media and Kathy sent me a screen shot like “OMG LOOK.” and I’m like… “uhhh, Happy Birthday!”

K: The best things about our friendship are everything. Literally everything. I can say anything without fear of judgement. I can vent. I can complain. She relates to me in a way that is so rare to find in a friend. And the jokes. SO MANY JOKES.

B: Two years ago, one of our fellow advocates (we’ll call her Becky to protect her privacy) couldn’t make it to Advocacy Day, so we had a giant photo made of her face so she could be there “with” us. And then she ended up being able to come. We posted a selfie with it and she was like, “is that my face?” And then we died laughing.

K: I picked Brooke up at the airport with our flat friend riding shotgun and one of the greatest moments that year was the Flat and Real versions of Becky meeting each other. Flat Becky even got a photo op with RESOLVE CEO Barb Collura.

B: We have a million inside jokes. We can make each other laugh with a single word. It’s amazing to have someone who knows me so well.

We see each other – ideally – twice a year. We do Advocacy Day and then try to do a long weekend later in the year. Being from Arizona, I like to go to DC and spend time in cold weather. Two years ago, Kathy came to Arizona for my 35th birthday. Thirty-five was the age that I kind of gave myself to be the limit for freaking out about choosing childfree and pursuing treatment, so it felt like a big birthday. I wanted her with me, and she came! It was amazing. We went on a Selfie Trail because obviously.

K: We tried so hard to meet up this year- planned this great trip to Memphis and two days before- I was diagnosed with the flu. So instead of going to Graceland, she sent me a life size cardboard Elvis who now lives in my dining room. He stares out the window to freak out the neighbors. We have Amazon Primed things to each other that we never knew we always needed. I love her so much that I’ll spend 4 hours in the observation tower of the Air and Space Museum while she tracks the planes that land with an app on her phone. She gets all giddy like the little elementary school kids. We go to terrible spas and eat way too much Mediterranean food. And every single time we’re in an airport together it’s just a big ugly cry mess.

B: I heard about Advocacy Day in 2013 and it was too late to get it together to go, but we started talking about going in 2014. At some point, she invited me to stay with her, so I did what any rational person would do and booked a trip to spend an entire week in the home of a complete stranger. I didn’t even ask if she intended to turn me into a skin suit until I’d landed at Dulles.

Brooke and Kathy at Advocacy Day, 2017

K: When Brooke told me she wanted to go to Advocacy Day that very first year- It never occurred to me that we might not get along and it would be awkward having her in my house. My son, Sam, was just a few months old when she came that year. I remember being worried about if she would be uncomfortable with SO much baby everywhere. But that was all gone when she sat holding him at dinner that night. Now she is a part of his life, which I love. She sends him such thoughtful gifts. Now my 4 year old Sam asks when she is coming back and if he can take her to the trampoline park. And he always requests to see pictures of her dogs. He thinks it’s hilarious that they eat carrots as treats.

B: I never even knew she was worried about me having sad feelings about Sam. Quite honestly, it can be difficult to have a relationship with someone who was successful with infertility treatments while we’ve chosen to be childfree after infertility. I remember so vividly all the emotions of Kathy’s three IVF cycles and was so elated when she found out that the third had been successful. I love Sam deeply and it’s just never been an issue. It’s been difficult with other friends, but never with Sam.

Advocating together has been amazing. We’re both passionate about advocating for family building and ensuring that others have the options to pursue the family they want. The Capitol has become Our Place and we give Capitol themed gifts sometimes.

K: That first year when we met- it was like meeting your person and just knowing that you were going to be together forever. We spent that week laughing until we cried and I was so happy that she came to stay with me. A big part of that was experiencing our first trip to Advocacy Day together. There’s nothing quite like that feeling of empowerment that comes from the first trip to Capitol Hill. It has become just another thing that bonds us together and something we both share a passion for.

B: Well said, Biff. Love you. Mean it.

 

 

Mingling (Infertility) Experience Research and Friendship

While curating Cradling Creativity in Philadelphia, we had the pleasure to virtually connect with Bethany Johnson, MPhil, MA and Margaret M. Quinlan, PhD, two professors at UNC Charlotte. They graciously shared with us their research on infertility and communication. What struck us even moreso was how they were personally touched by infertility – through friendship. We want to share their story as it sheds light on both the impact of infertility on scholarship and teaching but also on the importance of friendship and support.  — The ART of Infertility

By Bethany Johnson, MPhil, MA  and  Margaret M. Quinlan, PhD

Our research journey began in a hotel room on a research trip when I (Bethany) learned an IVF cycle might have failed (they were ultimately able to freeze two embryos). I was in my third year of failed treatments then. It was a horrible morning—they called while I was in the shower at 7:38 a.m. I remember the exact time because the embryologist left a message saying “I really don’t like to leave messages on people’s voicemail,” yet I was not informed when I could expect a call, and the office wouldn’t open until 9 a.m., so there was no one for me to call back. I felt powerless, devastated and angry.

Meanwhile, Maggie was so upset for me—she asked if I wanted to just go home instead of completing our research trip, but I was desperate for something else to concentrate on. Later she told me she spent the day pulling her sweater over her expanding belly, and avoiding eye contact just in case anyone asked her about her pregnancy. She also told me later she never could have stayed and worked—she would have gotten in her car to go home and grieve. I felt so out of control that the only thing that anchored me was focusing on something else. I was so thankful she was there with me and didn’t push for us to go home.

It wasn’t the first time she was there for me in my treatment journey. Previously, she brought me a beautiful baby blanket as a gift when we got a dog—a gift I never thought I’d have a reason to receive. Then when I needed an outpatient surgery and my husband was forced to be out of town, she picked me up and drove me to the clinic, waited through the procedure, drove me to a hotel and tucked me in with meds and treats afterward, since my house wasn’t habitable that day. (It was a rough season.) But the greatest gift she gave me was during that research trip. She listened while I cried and grieved, dove into the archive with me, dreamed up research conclusions, walked miles around Brooklyn while pregnant, and then, on the drive home, opened up our research future.

The magic words were these: “Well why don’t we do a study about this?”

That was four years ago. Since then, we’ve conducted three studies, published four articles, made a documentary with graduate students and worked with our participants, a graphic designer (Bo Rumley) and an artist (Alma R. Evans of Ursa Wild Design) to create treatment support cards for people in treatment. Maggie and Alma both told me they wished they had cards to give to their friends (like me), and I wished I had them to give to others. But many of our interviewees said the same thing during our first study, and that’s how we ended up reaching out to The ART of Infertility to share what emerged from our research.

Photo credit: Lynn Roberson, UNC Charlotte, Communications Director, College of Liberal Arts and Sciences

These cards eventually appeared in The ART of Infertility exhibit, along with the work of other talented artists and activists. At the opening, the cards were placed in an open mailbox, challenging viewers to imagine receiving or sending these unique messages to friends and family walking the lonely road of waiting for conception, sometimes receiving a diagnosis, and even beginning treatment or treatments. Being a part of this exhibit felt, in some ways, like the culmination of our efforts to make a difference because of my experience and the experience of so many others in our community.

 

Alma’s card in mailbox, The ART of Infertility. Photo credit: Maria Novotny

Through it all, I could count on the steadfastness of Maggie’s friendship, as well as the support of people we met throughout our work, and kept up relationships with after our studies concluded (when it was appropriate to speak with them again of course). For us, friendship and research always did and always will, overlap, even as medical statuses and experiences continue to shift and change.

Our Research on Infertility

Graduate students in “COMM 6011: Visual Ethnography” course. Photocredit: Lynn Roberson, UNC Charlotte, Communications Director, College of Liberal Arts and Sciences 

The graduate students really dove into the experience and wrestled with their own ability to be allies and supporters of people diagnosed with infertility or undergoing infertility treatments. As Maddy Michalik recalled, “This was my first experience with producing a documentary, and I learned so much about artful research methodologies as well as how to better communicate with individuals walking the (in)fertility path. Initially, I was struck by the varying degree to which patients shared their journey with others — some were very open and regularly updated friends and family on social media while others only told those that needed to know. This taught me that as with any health experience, individuals will cope and seek support in different ways, and as allies, we need to be mindful of how we communicate and offer support without being invasive or insensitive.”

Nathan Pope relayed, “Our hope is that the use of an artistic medium allowed for a more immersive, emotional experience for the viewer. Seeing an individual express their feelings and hearing their spoken word may create a more reflective space for the viewer, just as interviews created a reflective space for participants and the entire project created a contemplative moment for researchers.” Witnessing students learn the process of conducting research and wrestle with these issues as they raised awareness about meaningful support has been one of the most incredible results from our projects.

Part of the documentary features infertility greeting cards that are on display in The ART of Infertility exhibits, The graduate student-produced documentary, 1 in 8: Communicating (In)fertility will also be included in the traveling art exhibit. The first draft of 1 in 8: Communicating (In)fertility https://youtu.be/7z9jfZjoS04. The film was produced by: UNC Charlotte Communication Studies Masters Students/Producers including:  Desiree Bataba, Shanice Cameron, Cameron Davis, Samantha Maine, Elizabeth Medlin, Maddy Michalik, Nathan Pope, Miranda Rouse, and Olivia Sadler, and UNC Charlotte Senior Researchers: Margaret M. Quinlan & Bethany Johnson. The impact of our draft film continues to reverberate throughout the local community and beyond.

A goal of our (Maggie, Bethany and UNC Charlotte graduate students) arts-based infertility research is to prompt future research which deepens our understanding of (in)fertility diagnosis, treatment, and support for patients. We are grateful to be included in The ART of Infertility exhibits and look forward to future collaboration.

More On Our Research on Infertility

Johnson, B., Quinlan, M. M., & Myers, J. (2017). Commerce, industry, and security: Biomedicalization theory and the use of metaphor to describe practitioner-patient communication within Fertility, Inc. Women’s Reproductive Health, 4, 89-105.

Johnson, B., Quinlan, M. M., & Evans, A. (2017).  Research based Infertility greeting cards in traveling art exhibit. The ART of Infertility- Infertility Art Exhibit, Art Therapy. http://www.artofinfertility.org/

Johnson, B., & Quinlan, M. M. (2017, Nov). Race, racism and infertility. Racism in Science [series]. Vital: On the Human Side of Health [Sponsored by the National Endowment for the Humanities]. Retrieved from https://the-vital.com/2017/11/10/racism-infertility/           

Johnson, B., & Quinlan, M. M. (2017, Nov). Infertility: Resources for family, friends, and practitioners. Racism in Science [series]. Vital: On the Human Side of Health [Sponsored by the National Endowment for the Humanities] Retrieved from https://the-vital.com/infertility-resources/

Johnson, B., & Quinlan, M. M. (2017). Insiders and outsiders and insider(s) again in the (in)fertility world. Health Communication32, 381-385.

Johnson, B., Quinlan, M. M., & Marsh, J. S. (2017). Telenursing and nurse-patient communication within Fertility, Inc. Journal of Holistic Nursing.

Johnson, B., & Quinlan, M. M. (2016). For her own good: The expert-woman dynamic and the body politics of REI treatment. Women & Language39, 127-131.

Group works to educate its community and raise funds for infertility treatment.

We’ve been pretty quiet on social media since returning from San Francisco because we’ve been busy working behind the scenes. Maria has been hard at work on her dissertation and I’ve been working with a student to reorganize and inventory all of our supplies and artwork. We’ve both been working on our 501(c)(3) paperwork and working with hosts in cities around the country to plan upcoming exhibits and workshops. Those that are confirmed are on our schedule. We hope you’ll join us!

In today’s guest blog post, we’re bringing you the story of a group of infertility friends in Indiana who has put together an infertility outreach and fundraiser event in their community. They plan to provide infertility education, fun activities for kids and adults, and to raise money to help those in their group pay for treatment. Thank you Brandy and Kelly Jania, Jennifer and DJ Cavenaugh, Jessica and Steve Ziller, and Amanda and Sherman Wallace, for educating your community and sharing your stories!

-Elizabeth

Group works to educate its community and raise funds for infertility treatment.

On Saturday June 21, 2014 the RESOLVE Peer-led Infertility Support Group first met at an eclectic coffee shop in Crown Point, Indiana. It began with the intention of preventing women and couples from feeling the isolation that infertility can cause. Brandy, the group founder exclaims, “I have to be honest. I started the group for kind of selfish reasons because I needed support! I never expected to gain true friendships with some of the strongest women I have ever met!”

The group began with three women and as of June 2016 the group has seen 35 women participate at various levels. As the group passed our two-year anniversary we took a moment to celebrate four miracles and the highly anticipated arrival of one rainbow baby expected in August!

These women not only offer physical support by meeting on a monthly basis but offer emotional support and encouragement, laughter, infertility education, personal experiences and let’s not forget the “can you believe what I was told?!” support. Jennifer says “The group makes me feel normal. I don’t feel like an outcast even though we all have different journeys. With it I don’t feel alone.” Amanda shared “The group gives me hope that I can make a family and makes me feel like I am not alone.” Our support group meets on the third Saturday of every month at 10 am at Sip and is looking to offer support to any woman who may feel alone.

The flier for the Fighting for Our Families Infertility Education and Fundraiser Event

The flier for the Fighting for Our Families Infertility Education and Fundraiser Event

In the state of Indiana, IVF can range in cost from $10,000 – $20,000. Medication costs can add another $3,000 – $6,000. Indiana is not required to provide infertility insurance coverage, as it is considered “elective”. Therefore, most looking to pursue infertility treatments are forced to pay out of pocket for treatments rendered. Some members from the group decided to plan the outreach/fundraiser event, Fighting for Our Families. It is scheduled for Saturday July 30th from 10 am to 2 pm at Fire Station 2, 7905 Taft St. Merrillville, IN and will have various speakers and educators as it relates to the infertility journey. There will also be vendors selling merchandise, a silent auction, activities for children, a DJ, bean bag tournament, 50/50 raffle, t-shirt sales, a bake sale, and lots of food! Jessica shares her feelings about the event saying “I am most excited about getting information out to the public. Facts. Where to find help and where to find support. I feel the State of Indiana really lacks the resources and information to help people through the rollercoaster that is the infertility process.”

When asked about the event, Brandy states “I am most excited about seeing the community as a whole come together. I mean, how incredible to see people coming together to offer support and learn information on a topic that seems so taboo.”

This year’s event will offer all funds received to be given to four couples: Brandy and Kelly Jania; Jennifer and DJ Cavenaugh; Jessica and Steve Ziller, and Amanda and Sherman Wallace. Read their personal stories below and please consider attending the event.

Kelly and Brandy JaniaThe Janias – We were married September 19, 2008 and in November 2010 we agreed we were ready to start a family. Our 5 ½ year journey has taken us to 2 OBGYN’s, 3 fertility specialists, HSG test, 9 clomid cycles, 2 unsuccessful IUI’s, Laparoscopy, 1 cyst measuring 10 inches with 2 ounces of fluid drained, 2 successful IVF’s that resulted in miscarriages, and endless blood work. Upwards of $30,000 later, we come before you with heavy hearts and empty arms but deeply hopeful for the long awaited positive pregnancy test and then a healthy and beautiful delivery of a baby of our own. We have been together for 13 years and have both devoted our professional lives to helping people; Brandy working in Social Services and Kelly working in the EMS field. We are by no means financially well off; however, the public service jobs are not fields to enter in hopes of becoming rich. After our most recent loss on March 17, 2016 we began seeing a Recurrent Miscarriage Specialist to determine next steps which appear to be a 3rd round of IVF.

DJ and Jen CavenaughThe Cavenaughs – DJ and I decided to start trying for a family in 2009. We never expected to go through all that we have and continue to do. After trying for a year we tried Clomid and got pregnant. Unfortunately, we miscarried a week later. Through an infertility specialist we went through 3 unsuccessful rounds of IUI with injectable medications. We got pregnant again naturally; this time miscarried a few days later. We have gone through 4 IVF retrievals since then with 10 embryo transfers. 2 Frozen Embryo Transfer cycles we were lucky enough to get pregnant with twins each time, sadly both of those pregnancies ended shortly after. Our last pregnancy we conceived naturally. This was the best looking one yet! Levels rose wonderfully and we were filled with so much hope. When I went for my 1st ultrasound the nurse said after a few minutes of looking, I’m sorry, there’s nothing here. I didn’t understand how that was possible. After waiting as long as we could it was determined to be ectopic, or a pregnancy of unknown location and I was given shots to end it. All this heart break but we are still Fighting for our Family!

Jessica and Steve ZillerThe Zillers– We have been on this journey for 5 years now, which has consisted of extensive testing, surgeries and procedures including blood work, hysterosalpingogram, two D & Cs, hysteroscopy, laparoscopy and sperm count tests. In November of 2015 through the recommendation of our fertility physician we attempted an unsuccessful IUI. During the testing for the IUI we learned that Jessica has a low AMH level.  A Low AMH level could mean our time is running out as her egg quantity may be very low. The current recommendation by our physician is to attempt IVF.   IVF is very expensive and without fertility coverage the last 5 years have drained us. It’s hard to sit idly by knowing that every month that passes while we save for IVF, could be bring us closer to a sad end of our journey.

Sherman and Amanda WallaceThe Wallaces – We have been trying to conceive for 5 years. In our years of trying to conceive we have seen 4 fertility specialists and undergone numerous tests. Every Doctor gives us different diagnoses which can be frustrating when trying to identify a plan. Through the various doctors it was determined that Amanda does not ovulate regularly, at one point had a blocked fallopian tube and other recently diagnosed medical conditions that make it difficult to conceive. After testing, Amanda was placed on Metformin and did rounds of Letrozole, which did assist with ovulation but left us with negative pregnancy tests. One doctor recommended IUI treatment. With all the medications, lab and procedure cost it was just not a financial option at the time. We’re hoping that with savings and some help from fundraising that we will be able to proceed with the treatment and achieve our dream of having our own little miracle.

 

 

#startasking How can I find support in my infertility journey?

Infertility can be one of the most isolating, lonely experiences out there. It’s essential to connect with others who “get it” but it’s not always that easy to do so. In today’s post, Sarah Powell shares the story of reaching her breaking point and reaching out for support. Several months ago, Sarah approached me about starting the ART of Infertility Pen Pal Project as a way to connect people with similar stories for friendship and support. So, we are happy to launch it today during National Infertility Awareness Week. Read on to hear Sarah’s story and learn how you can be matched with an Infertility Pen Pal who shares a similar path. 

Elizabeth

It isn’t all that often that people who are diagnosed with infertility are brave enough to share their story.  That is exactly how I felt when my husband and I received our diagnosis seven years ago.  At that time, my way of dealing with infertility was going to different doctors, four different clinics in fact, hoping that one would give me a different answer than the last. Then, taking a lot of time to research and process what they told me.  For the first few years, I barely talked to anyone about it, sometimes not even my husband, and dodged questions from everyone left and right.  I tried to put on a happy face at baby showers, birthday parties, family events, and with the pregnancy announcements of what seemed like EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. MY. DEAREST. FRIENDS.  I emailed my closest friends and family and told them NOT to ask questions.  I didn’t know the right path forward and my husband didn’t know what to say and when to say it no matter how hard he tried.  Everyone who has ever dealt with infertility knows that you feel very, very alone and most times responsible with every failed test you get but need to keep forging forward with the rest of your life.  It is an AWFUL, ISOLATING feeling.

A lot of times in our lives, people near what we call our breaking point.  One thing happens and it just pushes you over the edge.  As it relates to infertility, I remember moments of mine, though not all the finite details.  It was a Saturday morning and my monthly visitor had shown up yet again when I would have given anything for it not to.  I woke up that day and was in an awful mood, likely yelling at my husband about everything insignificant, poor guy didn’t stand a chance that day.  Because I was in a bad mood, everything was overwhelming me, laundry, dishes, errands, the list went on – but they were really just daily tasks that suddenly became impossible.  I decided to do some dishes and was at the sink furiously scrubbing glasses, crashing down plates, and almost throwing the pans.  At that point, my husband who was trying to be helpful said something related to infertility or my period coming or something like that and then I BROKE.  I remember almost falling to the floor, sobbing and having him pick me up and carry me to the couch where I just sobbed and sobbed for what seemed like hours.  I tend to not share my feelings, and while my husband was doing his best, he wasn’t the one responsible for my infertility and he wasn’t infertile himself.  I realized I needed to find someone like me, someone who could understand my diagnosis, someone who could relate.
Sarah, top left, on the "Contribution Tree" in the first ART of Infertility exhibit at Ella Sharp Museum in Jackson, MI 2014.

Sarah, top left, on the “Contribution Tree” in the first ART of Infertility exhibit at Ella Sharp Museum in Jackson, MI 2014.

 I searched and searched the Internet.  In a world that has become so electronic and saavy with social media, I was shocked to find there wasn’t an easy way for me to reach out to others with my disease. I wanted a phone number, an email address, something. I tend to be an introvert so it’s not easy for me to connect to people, it was very daunting.  Add the taboo subject of infertility and it made it that much more difficult.   I did find information on support groups in my area – but just kept the information in my mind for several months because I was TERRIFIED.  Eventually, after much coaxing by my husband, I did attend a meeting but lets be honest, meetings and support groups aren’t for everyone.  I realized that there has to be an easier way for those to connect privately from their own homes to people who are like them.
I realized I needed to find someone like me, someone who could understand my diagnosis, someone who could relate.
Sarah and Elizabeth at Advocacy Day in 2014.

Sarah and Elizabeth at Advocacy Day in 2014.

As a result we are happy to introduce the Infertility Pen Pal Project.  This project will allow us to connect individuals on a one-on-one basis who have similar backgrounds and diagnosis. Friendships in the infertility arena can become difficult because while the goal is for people to find success, if you are one of the ones who hasn’t yet, you struggle between being happy for your friend but sad for what you want so badly.  We want to be able to connect you to people who are where you are, and reconnect you with someone else if you just don’t click or your penpal finds success and it’s hard for you to handle.  We are hoping this project will help some overcome the feeling of being alone when talking to a group about your story is too much.  Since this is National Infertility Awareness Week, we encourage you to #startasking for what you need so you can get that support. We hope that the pen pal project will make it a little easier for some of you.

If you are interested in participating, fill out the web form at this link and we will be in touch.

Myth: You’re Alone in Your Infertility Journey

When I was first diagnosed with infertility, I felt like I was living on my own deserted island. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell people about how overwhelmed, sad, and lost that I was feeling. It was that I didn’t know who I could tell that would understand. I remember telling one of my good friends to which they responded, “Oh, don’t worry Maria. It will happen, you guys are young. You just have to give it time.”

I remember thinking, “No, you don’t understand. You don’t know how difficult it is for me to even get out of bed in the morning. You don’t know how upset I get when I see a pregnant woman pushing a cart in the grocery store. You don’t know how angry I get when I see a family taking a walk around my block. You just don’t know how deeply these little, everyday activities can trigger feelings of intense sadness.”

IMG_3212

Maria, with her husband Kevin, who have now lived most of their 5-year marriage with infertility.

For a while I didn’t think I would meet anyone who would understand how I was feeling. And so I started to isolate myself – from my family, friends, even partially from my husband. I felt that I didn’t have anything to worthy to contribute to conversations or events, so I just removed myself from them.

My feelings of wanting isolation, however, began to change when I made the decision to attend RESOLVE’s Advocacy Day in 2014. Tired of living on this so called “infertile desert island,” I convinced my husband to make the drive from Grand Rapids, MI to Washington, D.C. to maybe start doing something about my frustration and isolation rather than just complain about how I was feeling.

How one decision can change your life. Seriously.

While at Advocacy Day I began to feel like I was taking action to not just change my life but the life of thousands of other infertile men and women silently suffering with the disease, the most impactful takeaway were the friendships that I formed. Particularly, my friendship with Elizabeth Walker.

IMG_3803

Maria and Elizabeth in San Francisco, CA in July 2015 for the ART of Infertility.

For Elizabeth and me May 2014 was our first Advocacy Day. Both of us were representing the state of MI and so we spent most of the day together walking the halls of Congress handing out letters and asking our representatives to sponsor infertility related bills. Perhaps it was the experience of doing something totally out of your everyday that helped form such a strong bond. Or perhaps it was simply a friendship that was suppose to be. But whatever it was – Elizabeth and I both knew that we found another person who we could confide in and who simply got one another.

Since Advocacy Day in 2014, Elizabeth and I have worked together on the ART of Infertility. Traveling to numerous states, hosting art and writing workshops, dropping in at prominent fertility clinics to talk about the project, talking about infertility at academic conferences, and even mentoring young college interns about infertility. We are busy but being busy has also saved me – made me feel like I am being productive, no longer wallowing away on my infertility island.

I often think what my life would be like if I never met Elizabeth. Thinking about this, I get lost and overwhelmed. Our friendship has been integral to my healing, to my strength and to my commitment to always advocate on the behalf of those who are infertile. She has become not just my infertile sister, she’s simply Liz – my big sis.

And so while there are a million different reasons to consider attending Advocacy Day this year on May 11th, one of the most powerful reasons to attend is because it could quite literally change your life through the friendships you may form. If I never met Elizabeth that May 2014 during Advocacy Day, my life would not be what it is today. So, I encourage you all – if you are feeling alone, in despair, frustrated and ready to make a change – come to Advocacy Day where you will be greeted by hundreds of other infertile women and men who understand exactly how you are feeling. You will be amazed.

Advocacy Day isn’t just about coming together to advocate for infertility rights, it is also about coming together as a group that has been told their stories shouldn’t be told, their stories don’t count enough to be considered for legislative action. It is a coming together as a force of women and men who have become friends from across the U.S. to change how we think, talk, and support issues of infertility. Advocacy Day is powerful as it is a pure embodied display of how the coming together of friendships can make change.

Join us!

11258027_10153382892881742_8366723738360121719_n

Maria and Elizabeth outside the Capital Building during Advocacy Day 2015.